2012 look back n reflect

Last yr 2012 was a terrible yr. except all the traveling that I've did.. First time to Cambodia n Japan. Two totally different world. Just opened my eyes to reality.

I've managed to pass my exam well pulled my agg of 2.7 back to 3.4 totally worth studying.

I've managed to see through some ppl' motive and see them for who they really are. Sometimes I managed to dodge their flying arrow, sometimes people protected me but got hit, sometimes I got hit really bad and had to lick my own wounds climb back up again.
I've learn that many times we get affected by what ppl say, but most of the times it's just how the self interpret it. Lessons of self perception prep up every now and then to remind me over n over again.

I've learn to be strong, to garner food as friend, exercise as my trainer to build my mind and body. I want to be strong and fit. Fitter than an average person.

I've gotten a new career something that boost my confidence once more. I've learn that even in the darkest period of time, encouragement and support are really impt for me to go on.

I've seen myself in the darkness. Haha transferring all my energy to train myself. I've seen how I dealt with depression and stress and its very useful. I'm glad I have found tumblr, it's motivation n inspiring statement keep me going every day.

My love for one piece is what kept me up until now 1145pm 31/12/12.

ive pledged to live my life with her the best gf in the world.

Finally I've learn to do things on my own. Get the ball rolling n not give upside easily!

Bring it all back

I found myself again. The old me. The me without this large label of Iweekly writer on my head.

I'm so glad I got rid of it. I can finally live my life normally with a normal job that do paper work.. I can finally be the old me again..

原来，这几年我都活在虚幻的世界。做些我以为记者应该做的事。套着虚荣的假象活着。
卸下繁重的包袱，才发现这个职位根本不适合我。我根本受不起。我喜欢朴素简单的生活。荣华富贵对我来说太遥远了，以前贪享福，贪华丽，贪隆重，贪名誉，简直坏透了。现在的我才像人。勤奋点工作，不去计较小事，开心快乐的活着，才是我。

工作有着落，人生又重新有了目标。人生旅途大冒险还等着我呢！

I want to take back all the nasty things I said to you..

Miss you..

22 days can't wait counting down yes!!!

Wake up when you wake up
And you suddenly became a whole new person.
I get that all the time.

Better job

I keep feeling that I will have a better job than the one I'm offered. It just don't feel right.
No leh no sense of urgency at all.. Maybe cos I still got 2 month salary on hand to take. Hmm.. How ah?
But I can't anyhow settle for a job u see.. Feb march April may.. Another 4 month before I graduate.. Hmm or I feel that so long as I lower my expectation ppl will hire me?
I wish I can still continue to earn this amt of money la if not I have quite a lot to pay leh.. how ah? I cannot afford $1800 salary alr la will die...
Long hrs nvm la hor.. Dunno gov will want me anot :(

2 more months counting down

I can't wait for the day
I press delete all data from com
I say tomorrow is my last day
I have my last lunch at mediacorp canteen
I send email to all the pr n all the djs to bid good bye
I bring home my box of belongings
I throw everything that belongs there
I say good bye to Jackie and Liling
I can't wait.... Really...

Her favorite cuisine is Thai food cute right who says Thai food nowadays? Haha

Favorite animal giraffe n dogs

Favorite drink sprite
Tbc

Things she said in nov

She say she want to get a data phone so that she can use whatsapp with me.....

She say something else too which made me go aww.. Shall post everything that she say abt me here as reminder...

She came over to my place and fix my cupboard for me over the weekend...

She say she can't wait for me to see her room on sat!!

She say the sunflowers brighten up her day!

26/11

I secretly fell in love with her all over again. Ain't she the greatest?

Dear god Please don't let anything ruin this!

Grown up 24/11

Funny how you can wake up one day and realize what you have been doing is so childish.

Today felt like it crawl passed. So many things to do to think to plan and to organize. For the future.

We've discussed abt our room decor as we went shopping for furniture at ikea today.

We talked abt what I wanted in life for my career. The uncertainty felt so unreal. So many opinions so many path so many unknown... What shld I do after my resignation on 2nd jan?

Shld I take a break? Shld I go oversea try living the life as a farmer? Shld I go for any job available at the market? Shld I wait and catch the big fish? Shld I do what I wanted despite the pay and the environment? Shld I try a new industry and start all over again?

I'm at a lost..

Fitness wise I kinda cheated by sharing Mac breakfast and tomato's rib eye w baby. It's a long long journey to reach my abs. An I'm gonna keep on reaching my goal. What for be so strict? Make urself unhappy? Losing weigh is a constant lifestyle!! At the end of the day rem to work it off and strive towards the goal?

I was pissed at Derek my editor for not appreciating my taste in food. He say its not as fabulous as I said it was. I was angry because I feel like he's accusing me of lying... Or exaggerating..
Well baby talk to me and I calm down after that..

It doesn't mean that when someone criticize the restaurant it will have to shut down. Close shop. A person's opinion is just personal. In this line, personal opinion is everything.. I've been trained to be come selfish selfabsorb media personel that people hate.

Maybe it's the environment that causes us to become like that. Maybe the environment gave us the reason to do so.

I can't believe the IT moment came last night totally changed my life. Haha I think I have grown up. Maybe I'll get another one tml morning!

My brain

I read somewhere that typing or writing whatever that's in ur brain right now can help ur brain to detox. So I'm making a point right now to type whenever I'm feeling stress!

My brain is a complicated machine. I realized I cannot continue my fitness program when I'm having exams. I get distracted and stray away. After jv's birthday I'm just gonna shun away from all high cholesterol food. Gosh now I'm sounding like an old woman.

Health freak

My brain also can't concentrate when it is not in optimum state. Thus I've prepared chewing gums and lots of medicated oil to wake myself!

Its Only today that I feel like im finally studying.
A little regretting on not noting down the objectives before every lessons for pr and consumer behavior classes but I did constant revision for integrated marketing.

Tips for keeping myself on track.
Focus on the storyline.
Focus on the objective an application
Focus on books and papers.

And continue to focus on feeling good!

I want to be a farmer

As you might be aware I'm currently job hunting. Everyone is telling ultimately its what you want.

What I wan is a job that can earn more than my expected salary and something enjoyable with a reputable career prospect.
Where to find?
What I want is a company of team players where I can play with creativity and work with joy.
Where to find??
Best of all what I want is a job that allow me to maintain my looks and improve my physique....
Where to find???

I want to be a fitness trainer. A model. A movie star. A bodyguard. A martial art shifu.
Hahaha.
I want to be a bartender. A soccer player. A porn director. A camera man. A lifeguard. A fire fighter. A medic. A witch. A sailor. A pirate. A nerd. A typist. A scholar. A bus driver. An officer.
Muahahaha.
Give me a break.

A farmer.

Questions to expect
Tell me about yourself.
My name is Jingxian. I have been in the publishing industry for 4 years and I'm currently working in local magazine as a writer. I'm also pursuing my degree in Unisim which I will be graduating in 1/2 yrs time. I'm hardworking diligent and keen to learn. I like to get things done and enjoy savouring the result thereafter.

Why did you leave?
During my time as a writer, I have interacted with quite a number of people who have made impact on me with their career prospect and what drives their passion.
I would like to change my career path and aim to accomplish bigger and challenging projects.

What are some of your accomplishments?
I do weekly write ups for my magazine and occasionally come up with ideas for cover story which I have to liaise with clients and execute the story. I have done stories on Singapore beer week, the game expo, afa, stgcc to name a few.


What are your weakness?
I'm studying which takes up certain Amt of personal time.
I'm new to this industry but I'm willing to get out there start all over and learn from my mistakes.

What do you dislike most about your current job?
im a result driven individual.. and i dislike the fact Tt I am not able to monitor my performance with numbers.

见招拆招！
终于可以轻松地发言，在毫无编辑与校对员的压力下写作。
休息了一个周末养精蓄锐，再继续奋斗！
"The quicker you let go of cheese, the faster you can enjoy NEW cheese!"

I'm thinking of venturing into fitness n clean eating. If not marketing or events management something challenging and interesting.
I like to get things done and feel proud of what I did.

I need to start training today!

Quietly. They sneak back into my mind.
It's a battle I'm gonna face Tml..

Thankfully I've rested well in Japan.

Back to emoing...
I haven't drown myself in alcohol yet...just to run away...

I need to find something that says there’s hope everywhere. I need a place that doesn’t hinder my creativity. Where I’m free to express myself. I need to believe I’m good again. That I deserve to be treated better than this.
I dread so much to go back to an office where they are dying to get rid of me. This is the First time I see efficiency in them.

My heart is empty as I embark on this soul searching trip. Cut off from the entire world for 4 days and seek the peace within. I need to be strong again physically n mentally.
Ive been Bowing down to them for the past 4 yrs like a dog sniffing their shit. It’s dirty, but I’ve been doing it. The things I’ve said to please them. The smiles that I’ve put on. The innocent look just to throw them off guard.
No I’ll not follow their plan to dump me. I’ve seen it coming all this while.
After this trip it will be payback time.
I’ll drag time I’ll fight back I’ll do whatever it takes to get my money and dignity.
Getting Stripped off from my post was easy but I’ll get over it. When the time is ripe… I’ll make sure I get stronger and better than you.
No u can’t bully me. I will stand up to u and fight back. Knnbccb

卑人

To believe others when they look down on you is the dumbest thing to do.

I'm the best.
I'm awesome.
I take your money with minimum work.
I've outsmart you.

Knnbcbb.

Revamp thoughts

There are so many sets of thoughts in my head recently.
Here n there.. All the 'wants' circling in my head.. I'd nv know why or what.. I just know its there haunting me.

The urge to Crave for the things you once crave for.
The path which we walked before.
The mistakes that we made before where we learn how to say no.

For a period of time The need for attention was very strong. I went clubbing for almost every week lurking around looking for trouble. I found the attention I wanted but it was short span, next day everything ended with a huge hangover.I was happy only in that place at that time. When I revisit it, it wasn't it again.
No I can't depend on a place for happiness.
That's when the addiction dies.

I look back in the mirror once again and saw that unhappy uncontented look. You have everything. What do u have to worry? No goals. That is the problem.

My tummy is bulging, my work is in a mess, my sch work is deteriorating. For the past yr, I've neglected my goals. I stopped serious working out when I fell down last yr. my Sch results gotten worse becos I didn't really put in effort or plan a schedule for revision. My work gotten worse when Derek n pc left Iweekly.

It took me a year to pick things up. And now finally when I'm getting a hang of what I'm doing he is scheduling another round of revamp....

This time round new writer is being fired. I dunno what's wrong w him. But him being fired n Iweekly going through revamp is gg to be another huge commitment n changes in my life. I'm scare the same thing would happen again... Keeping my fingers crossed..

I want to get through w this!

Was it worthwhile?

Police car's siren sounded in the distance.

Alex rummaged through his belongings, throwing his last bit of coke into his backpack and dashed out the building.

I miss writing composition. Especially for o level exams. Really, and I can write good stories in 1hr30mins time.
Be it Chinese or english.. I'm sure I can whip up a nice Engaging tale to keep examiners interested.

I miss those times when I work hard for something. It feels like decades since I work hard on something...

Now let me start today.
-sore throat/health
-new semester
-body weight
-relationship with people.

It might make me enjoy my holidays better I guess... Worthwhile is the word of the week.

Things I want you to see

Sometimes I look at you and wonder aloud where did this person come from?

And why is she so perfect for
Me?

I smile to myself.. Thank god you are still here..

I want to tell a story

I want to be a part of a story. A movie. To be the one that tells story. Like animation or something..
I want to watch so many show and produce one that amaze ppl.

It has always been that dream of mine to do so..
Now all I could possibly do Is write a blog.. Haha..
How I envy those blogs with readers...

Sickening

Everytime when I'm just about to be ill, I can feel it. I've gotten it so many times that I can tell what temperature I'm having.

I dread it everytime I have a fever, i get this never ending self talk, and events replaying in ur mind but you can't do anything else but to go through ur entire life again. I see myself doing things that I regret.. Not saying things I shld have.. Self pity starts all over again.. It is sickening to feel that way.. And u get angry easily.. U get irrited I don't wan to talk but ur mind is very noisy.. Ur body is aching u can't move properly.. U slur when u talk.. All the symptoms some tiny micro organism is doing to my body..

Likw what lynette just say.. Here I am at the cross road.. I realized I am at the cross road once again.. I looked at the nurses in the clinic they fight w some patient becos some medicinal claim was rejected.. I watched the drama for more than an hr they put me there on hold.. This is the kind of shit I have to go through w customer.. This is the kind of shit my baby is gg to go thru... I hope she'll do well get a taste of customer relation.. Maybe we can strike that off the list of occupation we want to do haha just like my azabu sabo..
I'm tired of this company alr.. I'm tired of the chain I'm locked to and the boss I've answered to for the past yr.. They re really nice but becos everyone ard me is sending these negative signals abt them..
I wan to quit becos everyday my mind drift to playing and staying home w my family.. I want a long week home doing just what I want to.. Clean up my life... Clear up the spider web toss away things that does matter.. And really think abt what is impt..

What shld I do :( I wan a project basis job.. Where can I find that?

Hush hush x2

I can see the rainbow
I can see the sky
Where the little blue bird
Just flew by

The rain just stopped
The drama just ended
I turn around to catch
Little baby's tears fallen from her cheeks

Grow up little ones
Grow big strong bones
So that one day you will soar
Just like the eagle you will be..

Wouldnt it be nice if the world is perfect?
Wouldnt it be nice if your gf knows what u really meant?
Wouldn't it be nice if things goes your way?

Only in cabluery?

Winter summer spring autumn
Cold n hot

Where is the girl that you forgot?

My destiny

I feel it...
It's coming..
The passion to find what I'm really meant for.
It's becoming clearer each day... It's getting closer n closer but I've no idea what I will find..
Like my new look new lifestyle new life.. Everything happen for a reason this incident I believe would be an end to my drunken lifestyle tt I've lived for the pass 4 yrs..
It's a new start.. I'm all set to change my lifestyle again.. I'm glad people I loved and treasure are still by my side walk down this road with me.

Maybe for me to get back into temple was one step closer to finding my destiny..
But I really really really dont like the culture it's like a herd mentality.. But who am I to complain so much.. I'm just the same as everyone else in front of god..
I will miss my "flamboyant" days but I'm gonna be good from now.
Bad girl gone good haha rhienna anneihr

Chef

It's time to focus on my new found passion :) cooking!!

Sleeping early

I feel so much better today...
No I feel healthier again lol..
Maybe I can live my life better this way..

Yes sleeping at 10pm does help huh...

This is a joke

Hahahahaha!
Now I know why Im crying in the middle of the night..

My heart hurts for hurting you.
My brains says it doesn't care.
My heart wants to hold you tight.
My brain says fuck off you break up with her better.
My heart is in pain.
My brain is buried in ice.
What to do?

Puffy eyes again Tml?
Now I know the prob lies
With me heart n brain.. Which shld I follow?
My tears

Hush hush

Everything's gonna be alright..

I know it hurts..

Like a bleeding heart that never stops.

Like a broken glass window.

Like a lost shadow..

It hurts to be betrayed, it hurts to be cheated on..

It hurts when the truth came from our lover..

Leopard can never change its spots..

I didn't choose this path at first. But it has already taken me this far. It has brought me kinship friendship and relationship that I would nv dream of..

They say it is the decision you made in life that made you who you are today.

Yes all the success I had today came becos I didn't choose that path I'd intend to go.

Things would have gone completely wrong if I didn't meet you.

That's why i wouldn't leave. I can't risk my life for such ignorant act.

I just have to live with it. Admit that I have to lay low and be the girl you deserve to have.

No more alcohol, no more parties, no more Fridae, no more girls looking no texting of any other lesbians. I'll do all that. I'll thrash everything for you..

Yes I like being caged up.
I like being emo.
I like to spiral my life down and enjoy that depressing feeling that will ruin my life.
I especially love to humiliate myself.
Making sure that I get to feel that pain.

That's what I'll do from now.

Don't try to convince me otherwise.
Thanks

Hearts and kisses

The moment didn't come.
It didn't start. It didn't end. Nothing happen.

When I wake up tomorrow, you will still be here with me. Won't you?

考试

终于熬过了！
It's harder this time becos I've so many things to do after exam!!!

好好庆祝生日！
Woot!

Waking up

Deep down I know, you will be there whenever i need help.

Dreamt of you again, this time it's just you.
I got into trouble, for being a terrorist, you are there to run with me. To take matters into you own hands and escaped together with me.

I'm in trouble and im running away... In the end it's still you that bring me back. I'm very thankful...

Nothing else matters when I've got you. Holding you feels like holding the world. Everything just fix itself in place. I don't know how you always make me feel so safe, maybe just holding you makes me feel safe.

No, these are things that I don't say. These are melodies that flows beautifully in my life.
Hey look I can see first sight of dawn can you?

月圆月缺

忽然想起一首歌

一二三 牵着手
四五六 台起头

七八九 我们私奔到月球...

或许哪一天会忽然又会想起那些年

人生

很多时候要改变的是自己

Food can satisfy sexual urge

Oh baby don't u ever grow up don't you ever grow up and stay this little...

Battleship
White party
Bamm and blast off into the night

寻寻觅觅
秘密寻寻

平衡
凡事都要找平衡

做到无情绪
无感情无牵挂无名无畏

Relax

-Airports departure area
-Little girl picking up grass in field
-sitting at the cafe people watching
-lying in a yatch suntanning
-drinking tea early Sunday morning
-macdonald breakfast sipping coffee
-covering blanket preparing to sleep
-lying in the arms of a loved one
-sitting on a bench moonlighting with a signicant partner
-licking off shaved ice of piña colada
-eating Nasi lemak
-thinking of holiday
-the moment ur muscle relax after stretch
-the joy u feel after gym

I'm loving life!

I'm not a failure

I have my identity.. It's just not what u are used to.

I have a life.. It's just not what you expected.

I have a job.. It's just not what you think I do.

I have a family.. It's just not what you think they do.

I have a relationship.. It's just not what you think it is.

I'm tired of thinking about others opinion. I'm even tired of guessing what others may think of me..
I'm just gonna do my best and not regret anything.. when the right time
Comes I can proudly put a full stop to it and call it period.

I am good. I am going to bring all that goodness back and start laying out my life now. I will not get affected by what others say. From now on i believe in myself and what I can achieve. To hell with the rest of the world. I fuck care.

只想对你说：

你是上天赐给我最好的礼物
下辈子，我们还一起好吗？

Lesbians are girls lacking of family love... Forced to grow up to protect something dearest to them..

She say It's time to end all these sufferings.. I wish I could leave too..
相见容易相处难
I have My hesitation because I didn't want this to apply to u..

I am so happy when I could escaped to china for a period of time.. Peaceful happiness hahaha..

But I'm worried about my mom my sis n bro and my grandma...

I can't just leave them in the pits while I happy ma...

Awhile more... I'll find a way out of here...

Areyouhappy?

厌倦了物质享受
柬埔寨之旅
立志寻找着
最基本的快乐

A friend doesn't leave you for others.. She did... Is she still a fren?

Light up my life

I love u baby! U bought me a panda toy n lava lamp!!!
We wore same outfit today! So happy I had u with me!! I love you!!!

Thankyou for being my love! I will take care of myself n not drink so much le... I don't wan to break yr heart.. I m trying to cut down k.but what I say abt moving in is true :)

Love uuu

Where Broken wing flew

You can see how much she is loved.

If love can be gauged.

You can sense how Much she regret.

If time can be reversed.

All that she knows is she deserves it all...

你去吃屎。

不是你看不懂我写的东西。是你用自己的仅有的辞典诠释比你想象中更深奥的东西。
It's not how bad I am in writing. It is you who don't useaccept intellect and accept language of a different writing.

Rants one more

Everyday.. I wake up dreading to go to work.. What happen to the time when we all love our job so much... :x

This is what you should reply.

Yes, no news point, no incident…

Charmaine Ok.

Regards,

Jackie Liu刘杰奇(DID: 6357 5159)

Editor In Chief (i-weekly, i 周刊)

Mediacorp Pte Ltd

Caldecott Broadcast Centre

Andrew Road Singapore 299939

From: Yeo Jingxian
Sent: Thursday, 02 February, 2012 3:25 PM
To: Jackie Liu Khiat Khee
Subject: RE:

Hi Jackie

Is it because this is just speculation of event that did not actually happen? Ok I think I understand. Thanks!

I’m writing on Charmaine seah next佘詩曼有同性呵番. Hope it is ok!

Yeo Jingxian

i-weekly

DID: +65 6357 5147

I will be the nice one that wants to learn learn learn....

This is the kind of stuff your boss doesnt want.

Hi, your 744 BR is no good, can’t be used.

No event, no incident, nothing worth a space for BR. Pls write another one after you settle paparazzi this week. thks

-----------------------------------

BlackRose 744

挣吃笋

谱下双“陈”恋的好好先生笋，最爱喝咖啡，无论上山下海、出外景或者拍厂景，咖啡永远不离手。日前，他带了一大杯自制咖啡出席电视台活动，人未入场，咖啡香已四溢诱人。好好先生不愧好好先生，他一坐下便遭为人母的资深演员倩倩和“港姐股神”之称的绿绿左右夹攻！向来作风大胆的倩倩趁机与他调情，甜丝丝地问笋能不能喝几口咖啡？原来咖啡是次要，笋的口水才是主菜。好好先生大方让饮，倩倩亦不客气，大力吸了几口他的口水和咖啡。见倩倩喝得风骚，绿绿也不认输，合眼享受“咖啡香”自high，真是酒不醉人人自醉！

曾华倩、叶翠翠、陳豪

骂了。
好爽！

Shut up

Everytime I hear your voice it makes me cringe.

You are so fake. I wish Someone can tell u this. But it wouldn't be me. 拆穿you for what? I don't want to help you become a better person. You just sit and rot to death. Making other ppl the scapegoat while you be the manipulator of the whole game. Ppl despise you, ppl hate you. But on the surface you just pretend everything is fine you are happy everyone is happy... The world doesn't work like this. You will get your well deserved dessert soon. Haha and you wonder why the turn over rate is high....

Critise ppl according to your own view with your own perspection is not gg to work. Bitching abt ppl with your pet dog is not gg to change how the world sees you.

You are just a filthy bitch with filthy pets. The rest ain't even worth talking about.

2012 plans

I am just working for the money and benefits. Repeat 10 times.

No matter how badly boss treat me I will keep my cool and brush it off with a finger. Repeat 10 times.

If quitting needs 1 month in advance, I need to plan my strategy properly. Make sure that I still have money to go for my holiday trips. Repeat 10 times.

At the End of the year after my studies is done, I would have saved enough and gain at least 4 yrs experience before venturing into another job.
Repeat 10 times.

By then I'll be 25. Fuck.
Shall lay as low as possible this year.

Avatar

Watching avatar again on my com makes me realize how much we have lost touched with mother nature.
It also makes me more determined to go on the Cambodia trip.
I'm still young With no burdens and no absolute commitment I shld go volunteer my time for the ppl and children. It pains my heart to see children with no education.

The world is blinded by desires. Mine seeks to fulfill curiosity.
I wan to experience all kinds of stuff while I still can in my peak and healthy years, maybe contribute makes a good difference in people's life.
Life changes everyday. Everyday changes life.
I seek to be slightly different today.

And Maybe a postman someday.

I am fat I am not.

Being fat. Is affecting my confidence & self esteem.


I can feel it coming.

Depressed.

I need to reinvent myself

That was before.

Now I feel better after exercising and wants to go back for more!!

I've forgotten all my gym theories
When your body is stiff means you are not fully warmed up yet. Inhale exhale.
Kick squat kick squat kick squat. I need to work those legs again.

New year resolution 2012

To be cuter than 2011.
To score better than 2011.
To find meaning in things I do.
To live a healthier life.
To improve financial status.
To gain recognition in career life.
To eliminate potential hazardous being.
To continue loving people I treasure.
To maintain relationships.
To embark on new journeys.
To embrace new changes....

If it didn't end this yr.. I won't believe year end freak jokes anymore!

2012

期待改变。

只要我们的关系不变就好了。