Stop making me do things I don't want to

Forced to do things

To get out of bus cos bus is full

To wear dress on graduation cos it's coporate uniform

To go home after gf put airplane 

FUCK YOU ALL CHI BAI FUCK FUCK!!!!

Saturday in bed

Contented!

Raining sat morning I've decided to cut myself some slacks and stay home. Do all the necessary stuff or just not do anything. im so enjoying it. Wishing time stops now for me to slowly savor all the things I've missed. Haha 

I'm really much happier now. Things are taking a turn I can feel it!

时间怎么过得那么慢

快要十月了！

放假放假！

快点过年，晦气统统离开！

The longer I stay the more I see. This is definitely not a place to work for long. Wish I've a solution to all the situation I'm facing now. 

I know more problems will come as I grow older. It's so hard to focus on the present. To let go of the past and to find a direction for the future.

I wish someone something can guide me through this as I learn how to live this life. To fulfill my purpose in this life.

还是走了回来

最近又想跑了

受不了这里被别的部门利用，没有人管的自由，像是做错事，连吃饭都不能安心。

没领导的工作，我其实是享受着。相信很多人都想这样的生活，我却不能安逸点。不知是否受别人的说使，被金钱诱惑。才变得很想赚大钱。哈哈哈。

天才白痴梦。

Shld I

Shld I continue or shld I start a new blog?

Hmmmm

反正也没人看。省省吧。

重大的决定

嗯

就是要好好的对待身边的那个她。

不让她受委屈

不让她幸苦

给她百分百幸福。

吵

吵的。是人心。

每每想起她，心里还是有点酸有点痛，像吃了酸掉的番茄。酸到头疼。

给自己多点时间，放弃她吧。

解释

解释就是掩饰

掩饰就是事实

我没有打算解释什么，也没打算掩饰什么。受伤的人，正在恢复，没必要加盐加醋。

我和新的她，很开心。爱苗正在发芽，虽然很不想鲁莽踏入一段新恋情，我还是想告诉自己，该来的来了，何必拒绝？

早点成家，早点立业。日子又能像之前一样安逸下来。

我厌倦了变化，厌倦了别人的闲言闲语，厌倦了现实的残酷。

我只想安静地和我爱的人过日子。

一段更复杂的故事

一段复杂的恋情就像打折死结的绳子。各自有各自的路却因某件事交叉穿过打了一次有一次的结。

分手了，和十年的她，因为多了两个人，感情通不过考验，而选择了放弃。

彼此存在的差异，已经断定了这场恋情的结果。少了那两个人，结果可能还是一样。

我的她4个月前喜欢上另一个人。是我告诉她的。我的她很惊讶，我劝解，我讨她欢心，我阻止。她在我面前狂澜，答应不再想她。3个月后还是一样，我看她努力却摆脱不了那女人的踪影，我伤心无奈。单纯的我根本没有想过她会背叛我，到处捏花惹草。

认识新欢是3月未的事。新欢是我的她的朋友，后来才发现也是我的她的目标之一。新欢对我表白心意，我也觉得她亲切，讨人喜欢。新欢的出现，燃起心中沉睡的火苗。她是我喜欢的类型。

我的她知道我和她是彼此欣赏的类型，决定把新欢推给我，自己打退堂鼓。

之后我的她告诉我，她做的一切其实是为了刺激我，给她反应。让她知道自己在我心里所占的地位。我知道，我肯定，但我不想。厌倦了，厌倦了每次要逢场作戏，表示我紧张你。

我的表示可能不是你意料中的。可是我的付出你看不见吗？

对不起，我不是个会讨你欢心的人。对于你的刺激，我无动于衷。你要的是虚荣，不是真爱。

我感慨前9年认识的那个人，就在这4个月内不见了。

梦里我一直呼唤你，醒来后还是回到现实。我不知道谁对谁错，我只知道我们分开是正确的。

Noah

We only take what we need. 

No more.

No less.

Shadows

Everytime I click on fb status I think about u.

Each upload of pictures, the photos of us smiling, I can't help but think about you. 

Your shadows are everywhere. Triggering memories of the past. The pain still hungs and will continue to hang. My love for you lingers as my heart longs to call you mine again. Friend I mean. 

We have to break this chain of cycle. And pain is the only way around it.

Only time will heal us all. 

Take it. Use it. Don't lose it.

Triangle

Why is our relationship more complicated than usual?

Betrayed and betrayal

背叛与叛逆

我的叛逆造成你的背叛。

I told you before don't play w me. I will play w the girl u are after.

But I don't want the rs to be like this. I don't want each of us to live in fear that one of us will leave one day for someone else.

We need that time apart. My heart longs to go back to you. My brain tells me otherwise.

We are both hurt and said things that we can never take back.

I'm glad Rena came along. She dug out so many hidden feelings and agenda inside us.

This time out will do us good, I convinced myself everyday. Don't rush into a rs again. Don't make other party suffer becos of insecurity. 

I'm still not used to this life without you. But I will do my best to live life again.

Then maybe you will see the change.

Things change

They say when a rs starts it starts with 2. 

When the third person comes in things change.

So many shows abt cheating so many shows abt third party. There are even the ones abt threesome. I nv thought it would happened to mine. 

Maybe it's the influence of alcohol, maybe we both find her attractive and acted on it. 

But at the end of the day, she's a catalyst  the spark to our rs. I still love u more than anything. 

If my love has become a burden a habit a responsibility, that just shows how much we have and value each other. 

You told me u feel free, like someone has finally let you go. That's how I feel. 

You can take as long time as u want to

Figure things out. I won't say it hurts but we are matured enough to handle this situation. 

Please rem I'll always be waiting for you.

Life after cruise

It's a slow week after cruise holiday.

My heart and mind is still on board star cruise Virgo.

Everytime I shut my eyes I wish I would open them to see myself in the shower, in it's bed or in the pools or in the gym.

I learn that i shld not place money over friendship. Especially in business😔 just let gf do it.

I learnt that decision that I can make is a god's gift. 

I'm in need for spiritual books. I'm in need for psychical exercise.

My body and mind crave for more

While my soul wants peace serenity and away from this reality.

I'm thankful Everytime I think of giving up god will have his way of telling me not to.

He send me to hospital to regain my will to live.

He send Chris to tell me abt her mother in law slip disc prob to remind me how lucky i am to be alive.

Cruise dairies

The best thing I love about this cruise

No need to think of what to eat 

All her delicious cakes are here

Unlimited

Plenty of entertainment 

A lot of time to rest

Enough time to exercise and have fun

Time to indulge

First time watching topless show

Tour the inside of kitchen galley

Traveling to 2 countries within 4 days 

Bought and enjoyed local delights

Living on moving vehicle 

看破红尘

每当我迟疑、后悔时，请帮忙提醒我：

我们都是红尘过客，生不带来、死不带去。人生怎么样还是要过。找到知己，找到爱人，还有什么可怨？

工作就把它当作消遣时间的工具。

时间虽然可贵，但也是人生监牢。

好想赶快度过这一生，在死亡来临前学会应付，看透痛苦。

每次想到住医院的情景，就怕得不得了。真的醒了，我不知道接下来该怎么做，也没有什么打算。无名无分，默默度过日子，把重心放在家人，爱人身上。其他的，我无怨无悔。

曾经荣华富贵，如今落魄街头，我得到的领悟：不需要假情假意的欠人人情，不需要被外人用闪耀的光环看自己。我清楚自己是谁，自己确定自己的能力。

我多么希望，我能够做到不需要向任何人交代事情。也希望，人生走到终点时，能够对得起自己。

做人真的好累。

躲起来的自由

不喜欢到吵死人的地方

跟很多人挤厕所

不喜欢跟全村人站在同一个地点跳。

很笨

马年

新的一年，新的工作，新的动机。

经历了一年的暴风雨，终于出现彩虹。

个性成熟许多，生活态度也有了改变。

从一个不懂事的女孩，一转眼，世界颠倒下来。

从前喜欢喧哗热闹，现在喜欢安净。

以前贪图荣华富贵，现在简单平素。

从来没想过，在我认为每天日复一日，没有什么改变的情况下，我竟然变成另一个人。

看书成了我的嗜好。

马年里我希望：

-学会冥思

-到英国旅游

-找机会做牧羊人

-短期出家

为了达到另一个领域，达到脱离七情六欲的境界。

我学到的

小学：做决定

中学：决定会影响自己

理工：决定会影响身边的人

大学：决定会影响学校

从职：决定会影响大众

决定好重要啊

Flying in elevator

Can't rem the exact times I've dreamt this but it's getting irritating:

Me taking lift with someone to the top floor and phooh suddenly the lift went out of the building fly through the streets and to another building's top floor. 

Yesterday's dream was me n my primary sch mate Wei rong (but spookily he passed away a few years ago) we were the remaining ones at mediacorp new building at one north. The scenery looks v different abit 3D fantasy world. Then we got to stay there all night to do something. We kept traveling between 5 & 6 floor. I went to groundfloor to kpo and saw everyone's leaving. Maybe the event had ended. I saw a dinosaur like creature walking out to the street, then realized it was a vehicle with a couple in it. They sort of forgotten something and went back into the building again.

Duno why. 

End up when the event over the sun comes up everyone is leaving, I took the lift to top floor thinking that it will bring me to see beautiful scenes but it brought me to another building near the mrt and suddenly I was with Philip Nlp guy, and a bunch of commuters gg to take the train. The scene was v futuristic. But we were flying through streets and rooftops. 

Finally reached the destination and woke up. 

Weird eh.

Annual wage

Average American earns $58k per annual

Average Singaporean earns $41k per annual

I earn the Lowest of the lowest basic.

Change route or change perspective ?

And I ended up in hospital the next day

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

What a joke to start new year in hospital... 

But it did help me realize my priority. 

My health should come first before anything. 

No job doesn't mean no life. 

I took a week to really start to let go of stuff. 

The short pause is essential for me I believe. 

To recover from syncope and depression. 

I like to stay home cuddled up in bed. 

I don't like the crowd don't like people.

Me, my bed and my com is all I need to get comfy. 

2014 new yr resolution

1) minus 5 kg before I start work again

2) finish another 3 paintings

3) find my lovely job do w ny heart

4) write a letter to my friends and mail to their home.

5) find a way to bust inferior complexity and my lack of confidence

6) finish all of Paulo coelho books at least 5 books

7) start donating to our adopted charity

8) swim and eat clean every week

9) research into design/fashion/diets/furniture 

10) fly to Europe to view snow

11) step into another level of relationship with baby

12) help out with jayv p toy