最幸福的事

完成每一件事，脑袋轻松回家。听着MP3里的“一见钟情”，望着夕阳落下。家里有丰富的水果和晚餐等着我，全家人都到齐了大家一起吃饭。木瓜好甜。 准备好了，本来想睡个懒觉。改变主意还是去运动松松精骨。流了一身臭汗，回家赖在电视机前吃晚餐。看旅游节目《世界第一等》《食商玩家》开怀大笑。真的很舒服。打理好厨房，冲凉，去角质，涂润肤乳，敷面膜。好受宠哦~ 上网写日记，看存折，付钱准备泰国游。 我太爱我自己了。 -------------------------------------------------------------------- 唠叨的话留到后面。 之前一直很依赖的人，一个我很尊敬，又很喜欢的一个人突然变得不可理喻。我不知道整件是谁对谁错，是谁利用谁，是谁忘恩负义。我只知道有些人表面上对你很好，有一天会背叛你，告诉你其实我一直以来都在利用你。表面功夫做到最好，可是转头翻脸不认人。我不知道我说的是自己还是他。我只觉得这整件事，我没有找过他解释，好像有点过分。就好像之前，他用我们过桥之事，可能也只不过是某种误会。这一切的误会好像都是因我而起。是不是呢？有时候大人们看到的世界，跟我看到的不一样。对方明明别有动机，我却看不出来。我逢人提起这件事，他们都觉得是他不对。可是为何我一支耿耿于怀？这是所谓的人性险恶吗？怎么那么恐怖的？他对我很好，之前也是。只不过，事后看清他的真面目还是觉得不可能。错的是自己呢？

my dream is to 1) trade stocks 2) open shop 3) play with camera 4) do some creative writing once in awhile 5) enjoy life with gf 6) free weekends . . . N) slamdunk all mother fuckers

No one will know its me... haha too pretty le right...

Came across some old pictures that i uploaded a few years back in 2007. most of the pictures are in the cd but it's broken.. :(

been switching my mannerism for the entire of my lesbian life.

yet i have not find one that suits me..

its so contradicting sometimes.. i behave differently around different people..

maybe only those who really know me.. and see how weak i am...

you know i used to tell people i'm lesbian because my partner is one... hahaha..

so if my gf is a p.. i'll be a bung??

if my partner is a guy i'll be gay???

recently i've been told i'm still young and havent enjoy my life properly..

my youth is spend trying to grow up.. and when i'm old enough i'm trying to look young again.. haha that's why i'm trying hard to slim down now.. to look like myself when i'm 18...

actually.. what i'm doing now is fulfilling my dreams.. i wan to earn alot of money.. i wan to have fame.. i wan to travel.. i wan to work in Mediacorp..

Though i cant say i'm earning alot of money, but i've basically reached half of my personal goal set for myself after my O levels. HAHA. i'm traveling to other countries and meeting atas people and idols that many dreamed of meeting.

Do you know how great it feels when an idol look at u and greets u respectfully like you're some big boss.. They're so polite and cute and they're older than me... hahah...

Oh wells the ups and downs of working in this line..

I've been told not to share too much information on the net because of my status and people might be suspecting me if the competitors gets ahead of us. suddenly i feel all tied up.. it's like suddenly my freedom of speech is gone.. especially when it's already limited in this little country..

oh wells i wont be sharing alot in fb but mostly here as no one comes here anymore.. haha..

the sudden urge to stop this promotion until i end my studies is there. i was in a room filled with reporters, newscasters and all the news production team people today. newscasters are simply gorgeous.. pretty with brains..

finally i wan to start ranting about my sch works... so much to do...

i'm so dying to watching some funny japanese video right now... zzzzz nonono tml's deadline for ECA omg.......... have to hurry finish the story le!!!

hahah.. y did i write this stupid thought for the previous post?

it might be the exact time when ah ma passed away..

everything is all jammed up but yet i can still whisk through everything..

managed to attend classes and bring my friend ard town and finish my school work and prepare for i-weekly anniversary..

thursday they carried her body to the void deck, its really painful to see her lifeless body.. i used to wake her up when i stayed at her hse last time..she's always lying in the room floor, with a fan in her hand.. fanning herself.. she would wake up when i shook her, look at me and smile. then clipped up her hair and walk to the kitchen in that 1 room flat.. that was when she could see me..

they placed her into the coffin.. most of this we are not allowed to look.. it was a taoist ritual..
we place her at the void deck for 3 full days.. none of us cried.. we were all busy..

sun was the sadest.. mom and auntie wail when she is covered. even my uncles eyes were red and filled with tears...

the ceremony was loud and noisy.. we walked her around the block.. the sky was dark, everyone was predicting rain.. but it dint.. once we put her into the van and boarded the bus, rain came..
on the way there it was raining heavily..
after that when we reached the rain stopped.. she was carried onto the incinerator..

i have to keep reminding myself she's not there anymore...
my mind kept replaying the scene when i say good bye to her..
the last time i saw her was during CNY.. the only time i dint say my proper good bye..
i'm so ashamed..

i wonder if she can see and hear us now?
she's led a tough life, may she rest in peace now.

will anyone be there to fetch me when i'm gone?