hahah.. y did i write this stupid thought for the previous post?

it might be the exact time when ah ma passed away..

everything is all jammed up but yet i can still whisk through everything..

managed to attend classes and bring my friend ard town and finish my school work and prepare for i-weekly anniversary..

thursday they carried her body to the void deck, its really painful to see her lifeless body.. i used to wake her up when i stayed at her hse last time..she's always lying in the room floor, with a fan in her hand.. fanning herself.. she would wake up when i shook her, look at me and smile. then clipped up her hair and walk to the kitchen in that 1 room flat.. that was when she could see me..

they placed her into the coffin.. most of this we are not allowed to look.. it was a taoist ritual..
we place her at the void deck for 3 full days.. none of us cried.. we were all busy..

sun was the sadest.. mom and auntie wail when she is covered. even my uncles eyes were red and filled with tears...

the ceremony was loud and noisy.. we walked her around the block.. the sky was dark, everyone was predicting rain.. but it dint.. once we put her into the van and boarded the bus, rain came..
on the way there it was raining heavily..
after that when we reached the rain stopped.. she was carried onto the incinerator..

i have to keep reminding myself she's not there anymore...
my mind kept replaying the scene when i say good bye to her..
the last time i saw her was during CNY.. the only time i dint say my proper good bye..
i'm so ashamed..

i wonder if she can see and hear us now?
she's led a tough life, may she rest in peace now.